A Day for Freedom

I have secretly and not so secretly been looking forward to this day for a long time, because today is the day I finished working at Hoyah! I've been itching to move on from my work's unpredictable days, the weather, and the large numbers of people in this city! Conversely, today is also a day that I have been approaching at a leisurely pace, because it marks the ending of another chapter in my life. These transitional moments are always accompanied with mixed emotions. I hesitate to leave my friends, the opportunities, the money, and the rest of it.

As now is the time for reflecting, I review a number of previous, unblogged blogs:

"It's vaguely familiar, this heart-clenching feeling of tension, which pulses through my body. I feel dizzy and confused, in a drunk sort of way, and I can't exactly put my finger on the cause. But, I think this is a feeling that I first felt last year in Thailand. A feeling of, "what the heck am I doing here and what am I going to next."

"Maybe it's stress from my job. The last minute changes and notifications caused by a lack of planning. I like my job and I love my students. I work so hard for my students. I have forgotten about my goal to learn Korean and removed all moments of relaxation in my life to grade their essays and write personal comments and happy faces on each of them. I know my kids appreciate it, and it feels rewarding when my students say thank you and when I was chosen as Teacher of the Month. But, still, it doesn't relieve the simple fact that I'm tired."

"Finally, I feel like things are slowing down. I'm feeling slightly more relaxed about the pure and utter madness I call my life, now that I'm feeling more comfortable with work, and I'm sneaking in a few moments of rest between classes. I could tell that I'm starting to relax because tonight a group of my closest friends on this trip and I sat down for dinner and had an actual conversation. It was a close, personal conversation, the kind that makes you think about where you've come from and why you're here. The kind that reminds you to evaluate the steps you've made in your life and how you will prepare for the future. For so many meals on this trip, we have sat down together, eager to vent and bitch about the two main bi-products of our work: stress and extra work. Hae Jin and I love to chat about our students--we share nearly eighty of the same students. Paul and I talk a lot about work too, since we teach the same subjects. We often try not to talk about work, but that never lasts more than five minutes. So, it was about time that tonight, we finally started talking about, well, us. I hadn't realized how long it had been since I'd had a real conversation about life."

These unfinished blogs remind me that there have been high points, and there have been low points. As noted in one of Paul's most recent blogs, "In a high-paced city like Seoul, my mood can go from one extreme to another in a matter of minutes. It's funny how life can be like that sometimes; one second you're on cloud nine and in another you're eating dirt." When Paul said this, I wanted to scream out, "YES! I FEEL IT TOO!" It's been a rollercoaster ride. Not such a terribly thrilling one, with upside down flips and dark tunnels, but rather, an unpredictable one; a ride filled with carousel bouts, and "ouch!"-why-does-this-annoying-restraining-device-smack-my-head-from-side-to-side kinds of rides. Some days, I walk out of class feeling happy and energized; other days I run out of work, exhausted and frustrated. It's unpredictable. Even today was again, unpredictable, when half of my kids pouted and whined because I didn't buy them pizza on the last day of school, while other students had the greatest day playing a game, giggling the whole time. I never know if I'm going to have a good day or a bad day here. I had both today. I hate to attribute these mood changes solely to the popular traveler's syndrome called culture shock, or to the hilly nature of hagwon work in South Korea. But, regardless, I enjoy reflecting on this journey in my life, and optimistically realize the benefits of my struggles.

Ah, yes, but still, it feels good to move on. I'm happy to be leaving Hoyah, a company run by a man who looks at life like bubblegum. He elaborates, "Life starts out sweet, but quickly runs out of flavor and ends up blowing up in your face!" Who would see a future with a man like that? Not me.

But, I exaggerate. Overall, it wasn't that bad. Though it wasn't the most exciting summer of my life, but it was enjoyable. I did not see one billion sights or travel to exotic destinations. Instead, I took a much slower, more personal approach to this opportunity, which I think has made all the difference. It's been a really interesting time: eating rice with a spoon and respectfully holding my cup with two hands when being poured a glass of soju; trying to understand why the Korean women always dress up so feminine, and why their Korean men lovingly carry their purses; and learning simple phrases in a new language, like "for real?" and "discount please!" In addition, I made a couple really meaningful relationships with my Korean friends. I also met a group of vibrant, hard working, and kind friends (and fellow bloggers) from the states, whom have helped make this journey memorable one. I made some baby steps towards understanding a very different culture. Also, I feel proud to know my way around Seoul somewhat; to have survived one of the largest cities in the world. And, finally, I've finally come to the point where I might actually miss Korean food--which I say is a darn good measurement of success!

So, if given the opportunity to come back, would I consider it? I just might. It would be half as hard next time, as an experienced TOEFL teacher, and I could make some decent money. There is still more language to learn, and some great people here to visit again. Of course, I still have a number of great opportunities for the future, and perhaps some more efficient and productive uses of my time (ie. my career) ...so we'll see! This Fall, I'm spending my summer prize money on plane tickets to see the other side of the world...I'm going to Europe! I'll be traveling around for two months so I have time to visit some close friends and collect a few more stamps in my passport. :) You're only young once, right?

But first, an unplanned adventure around Korea, begins tomorrow! More to come!