Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

With nowhere specific in mind to go, I left my Seoul apartment today, with an overstuffed backpack containing all of my belongings, feeling anxious, restless, and apprehensive about the day ahead. I began to think about traveling; memories from a sociology course on travel that detailed how some people travel because they have to, and other people travel because they want to. Today, I travel because I have to. I never would have guessed I would be in this situation, and I can't help but feel disappointed and distressed.

For a couple weeks, Dong Hyun and I had planned to do some traveling together after I finished my summer contract. He, too, quit his job recently, as he is preparing to go to Japan to start his own business in international trade. We were planning to go to Japan together, or travel around Korea, whatever was more convenient. I wasn't picky about the destination, nor the departure date. I was mostly looking forward to having a nice companion to travel with.

Last weekend, we had loosely planned to go to Chuncheon (South Korea) on Tuesday, yesterday, after his doctors appointment from 3-6. I thought we'd agreed that I'd go with him to the doctors appointment from 3-6 and we'd leave from there...

That's why it was so odd to find myself packed and ready to go, just waiting by my cell phone. I waited and I waited. I waited for nearly 24 hours before I started really panicking--and that's because, at the same time I was supposed to be leaving for our trip, I was also being kicked out of my apartment. I hated being "that girl, " the one who repeatedly calls and calls, but there was nothing else to do...

Evil thoughts creeped into my head every moment I waited, as I attempted to sort out the cloudy mess in my head. Where is he? Did he lose his cell phone? Does he hate me? Is he okay? Is he hurt? Got forbid an emergency has happened. What if it is an emergency, how would I get in touch with him. It's a scary idea that my only one point of contact with him is by telephone. I don't know where he lives so I cannot show up at his doorstep and see if everything's ok. I don't know his family's phone number either, nor would I be able to talk to them had I had the number.

And then I remembered that I had gotten his friend's cell phone number on the same night I met Dong Hyun. So, I gave it a try. The friend didn't speak very much English, but luckily, I was able to hand the phone to Hae Jin before she left for the airport. She translated and said the friend was also confused about the situation, but he thinks there might have been a friend's family emergency. Hae Jin wonders if he tells the truth. I won't feel right relying on this information; I'd rather hear it straight from Dong Hyun...if I ever do hear from Dong Hyun again! It's all so, so weird. Regardless, I still have not heard from the boy.

So, I was unexpectedly homeless last night. I illegally slept in my old bed one extra night, but had bad dreams of being awakened by the new renters dog and trying to explain why the heck I was there.

Over the last five weeks that I have known Dong Hyun, there were no signs of unreliability or untrustworthiness. He always took care of me, whether he was pushing me out of the way from a potential collision (the cars drive awfully close to the pedestrians around here), or treating me to dinner, or calling me every night. We would always make plans, and he would always be where he said he would be around the time he said he would be there. That's why I'm absolutely stunned to find myself in this situation.

What would you do in this situation? A) Book the next flight home B) Go on the trip without him C) Head to the ex's house 3 hours south of here D) Call the "grandparents," my old Korean friends whom I met on the airplane to Korea last year, about the age of my grandparents, and stay with them E) Sleep at jjimjaebang and wait for him to call.

I have not decided what to do at the moment. I stall at making my decision and secretly hope my phone will ring, before I am forced to make the decision to cancel the trip for good. No matter what, I do have some good options here, and I will not be sad for long. Though I do not know where I will sleep tonight, I am not alone. I will be safe, don't you worry. :)

In fact, right now, I'm going to visit my friend Robbin again today for some more "shopping therapy." She loyally took me out yesterday to get my mind off of my silent cell phone, just as mom would have done, to get my mind off of my problems. I felt better to be in the company of a good friend and to have a few more Korean styles to take home. Of course, as soon as I left her and got on the subway, I couldn't help but release my frustrations. I attempted to conceal the tears, but I was unsuccessful. Today may be much like that, but, at least I'll be in good company.